I spend an inordinate amount of time unsure about what I’m doing, or more accurately, what I feel like I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve accepted that I will probably feel this way for my entire life, it’s just my state of being, maybe it’s everyone’s state of being, just most people don’t admit to it. I’ve found this feeling a lot more prevalent since I finished my manuscript.

I decided I wasn’t going to do anything else regarding this manuscript until the end of November, until I heard back from all five of my beta readers. I thought that would be a good opportunity to give myself a brain break and work on some other things, kind of free my mind for a little while until December first when I would plunge back into my book and the next steps involved with that. What I wasn’t counting on was this horrible lack of direction that would leave me with.


For five years I haven’t had this problem. I haven’t had this weird sense of complete befuddlement, wandering aimlessly around my house in a fuzzy bathrobe and slippers with ‘free time,’ whatever the hell that is supposed to be. Gone are the days when there was never any question as to what I should be doing, I should be working on my book, editing my book, polishing my book, researching agents and publishers for my book, reading my book, tracking plots for my book and such. Maybe I had this problem before I started writing it, to be honest, I really don’t remember.

You may be thinking, well, dummy, start writing something new! Of course I thought of this, a bunch of times, every day, but I can’t, not yet. Writing this manuscript I learned that when I’m in, I’m all in, every part of me, every day, even when I’m nowhere near it. It consumes my life, which I don’t consider a bad thing. I actually love that swamped, slightly dreamy feeling of being lost in the words, but I don’t know how conducive that state will be to the process of trying to get it published, so I’m leery of jumping enthusiastically back into it so soon.

To compensate I’ve tried to work on small writing projects. Newsletters, articles, even my stupid journal. I have plenty of short stories that were forsaken five years ago that only need a polishing before they could be marketed, but it’s hard to find the motivation. Now that I’ve experienced the consuming madness of the novel, the surreal state of bedding down in that made up world, I just want to go back there. Those miraculous days where you hit a groove and type away for fourteen hours, giggling madly, forsaking food, sleep and hygiene in the name of a truly fantastic plot twist that you never saw coming and boggles the mind.

I miss my book. I can’t wait until I can get back into it, this brain-break thing is overrated. And just in case this blog doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense, please blame my current lack of focus.


About eemoxam

I work at the library and write stuff because books are cool. I like dogs.

Posted on November 22, 2014, in Articles, Editing, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Hi Erin:

    Perhaps you feel about Luce the way I feel about Kelly and Beth in my stories. Sign of a true character creator. I am 87% done, by the way.

  2. Thanks for the reblog, AmazingSusan! Glad to know I’m not alone.

  3. It’s a tricky thing, trying to make sure the one you focus on is actually the one you want, and not something put on you from some other source or one that doesn’t really serve you. I find the lines get very blurry sometimes.

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